this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
