I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
