Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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