Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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