Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
