I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
