How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
