If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
