shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just had sex bonerless
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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