Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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