I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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