No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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