If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
