a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
