Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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