as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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