Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
