If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
