i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
