did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
