Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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