he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They took my balls.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
