I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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