The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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