I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
