is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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