Michael Bay diarrhea
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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