I CAN MOONWALK!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
either way he was missing a nipple.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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