people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
