She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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