I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
