Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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