You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
