btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
