Can Purell be used as lube?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
