Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
