when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
