i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
