Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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