I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
