Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
