Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think i have two assholes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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