if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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