No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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