I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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