All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
