Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
