I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
