Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
