she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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