My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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