i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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