she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
