I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
