You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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