May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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