Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
