After last night, I could never be a politician.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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