No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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