he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
