Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
