No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
