honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
