as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
