what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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