I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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