i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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