I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
