Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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