i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
