I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
