The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
