Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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