Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
