Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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